Russian Roulette
by Jim Clancys Lollipop
Summary: Melinda can't take it any more, she's tried everything she can think of to get Jim to remeber who he is, but he's trying to remember the wrong life...Sam's life. She decides to end it all....will Jim come back in time? *ONLY RATED FOR VIOLENCE*


**I do not own any of the music, products or movies mentioned in this fic and as much as I wish I did.........I don't own GhostWhisperer or any of its characters, I do however, own those characters and storylines which appear in this fanfic, but not in the show. No copyright infringement intended!**

**Inspired by the new Rihanna song .......**

**Set after Jim dies and is in Sam's body but before he remembers who he is......XX enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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Melinda watched him walk away and felt her world fall around her "Sam!" she cried, he wouldn't listen, she had tried telling him who he really was, that Jim had died but his spirit couldn't move on and he had jumped into Sam's body because he couldn't be without Melinda. He had looked at her as though she was crazy..._I should be used to it by now..._ she told herself, but God did it hurt...she couldn't breathe, she couldn't see, she couldn't move**....**_**"I'm not your husband!"...**_Melinda ran after him as fast as she could, ignoring her lungs screams for air she just kept running, Sam was just getting into his green pickup truck on the side of the dark street as she reached him**...**_**"Jim is GONE Melinda"...**_**.** Melinda slammed her hands down on the hood of the car "I won't let you walk away from me, I can't! You have to believe me Jim, please listen to me...._remember me_" she pleaded as she moved around to his window, Sam shook his head "Mel, I understand that this is really hard for you, and I understand that you're grieving, but it's just not healthy for you to be living in this fantasy world, this alternate universe where love conquers all and stories have happy endings! You need help! I can wait for you...I'll help you to get better if that's what you want...but you have to accept that Jim is gone, he's gone Melinda and he's not coming back" he said softly, Melinda shook her head tearfully "I don't need to get better, the only one who needs help is _you!_ Why is it so hard for you to believe? Why is it so hard for you to believe _me_?" she cried, Sam sighed and closed the window on her as rain began to pour from the sky, "I'll have my stuff out of the house by morning" he murmured before speeding away.

Remembering the first time she had felt as though she couldn't go on....

"_You feel so familiar to me, I feel like..." Sam whispered into her hair as they lay on the couch, "...like what?" she asked hopefully, could this be it? Could he be remembering? "I guess it's just wishful thinking" he sighed, Melinda let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, "you could be remembering something" she said softly, "how could I? I was just your contractor, I was just the guy you hired to fix up your garage" he replied, "I guess you're right" Melinda replied dejectedly. That night when Sam left she had done it for the first time, she hadn't meant for it to go so far, but she needed an escape, an outlet for the pain that coursed through her veins and burned her with every breath._

_She had been sitting on her bed wearing one of Jim's favorite nightgowns, barely long enough to cover the tops of her slender thighs, deep blue satin that caressed her skin softly. The thin silver razor blade in her hand glinted in the light of the moon pouring though the open window, the breeze picked up and Melinda shivered, she couldn't take it anymore, perhaps she should end it all, but no, she didn't want to die, only to relieve the heartache. She held it tightly between trembling fingers and pressed it to her left wrist, as soon as it pierced the skin she dropped it like she had been burned, Melinda watched the line fill with blood and her stomach flipped, "what have I done?" she gasped, it wasn't a deep cut, but enough to hurt like hell and to bleed all the way down over her hand, as the blood dripped over her fingers she ran to the bathroom and stuck her hand under the cold tap "I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't mean to do this....I just...I just needed...you" she had covered it with a small band aid and no questions were ever asked. That was the first and the last time, she had been so afraid of what she had done that she never tried again._

Now Melinda sank to the cold and rain-soaked asphalt as his tires squealed against the road **..."**_**he's not coming back!"....**__I would give anything just to be in his arms one more time... __**"You neeed help!"....**__ Why won't you just open your heart and let yourself feel?... __**"it's not healthy for you to be living in this fantasy world"**__.... it's not a fantasy, it's a nightmare... _Melinda her knees to her chest as the rain rolled over her porcelain skin- near alabaster in the moonlight, "I tried, God...I tried so hard" she sobbed. Melinda pulled herself to her feet and walked against the rain to her red SUV, falling into the seat she revved the engine and took to the charcoal highway, she knew what she had to do. This was it.

A pained sob wracked her chest as she pulled in next to Sam's truck, the light was on in the garage and she could see him moving around in a hurry, packing to run as far away from her as he possibly could. Melinda ran into the house her thin black tank top clung to her skin tightly with the rain and exposed the pale skin of her stomach above her low riding gray ripped jeans, her super high red stiletto's beat a grim rhythm along the pathway as she ran, she slammed the door behind her and ran up to the bedroom_...are you sure you wanna do this?..._she asked herself, Melinda hesitated at the bed and let her eyes rest on Jim's pillow, "I miss you so much Jim" she whispered to herself as hot tears burned her cheeks, she reached into his small bedside cabinet and pulled out a dark wooden box, as her fingers traced the design on the front she closed her eyes.....

_......."Jim, I'm scared" Melinda said softly, "they're getting stronger, the spirits are doing things that they could never do before, they can hurt me..." Jim tightened his arms around her and kissed her neck, "I won't let them Melinda, I won't let anyone hurt you" he whispered, his clean soft scent comforted her and she closed her eyes, "you make me feel so safe" she said quietly, Jim smiled "I love you Mel", "I love you too" she looked up at him and drew him into a soft kiss before laying her head on his chest, as long as they were together, she could face anything......_

Melinda slowly opened the box and stroked the velvet lining, so soft and gentle against her trembling fingertips, she had promised Jim she would never touch what was inside the box, only if there was a serious emergency. This qualified.

_........."JIM!" Melinda squealed in delight as she ran from him, Jim chuckled and pounced at her but she ducked behind the couch just in time, "I win!" she yelled, Jim growled as he dove for the couch, as he landed he grabbed Melinda around the waist and plucked her from the floor with such ease that it would seem as though she weighed nothing, she flew through the air in a wide arc before Jim fell back onto the couch pulling her on top of him, Melinda straddled his waist and giggled breathlessly, "who won?" Jim asked smugly, "you cheated" she said, "you can't cheat when there are no rules" Jim replied. He trailed his hands up her legs until he reached her waist and pulled her down to him "m'kay baby...you win" Melinda whispered before crashing her lips to his and winding her fingers in his tousled hair, "bedroom" she mumbled against him as he undid the buttons on the front of her pale blue dress, Jim stood up with her attached around his waist and threw her dress down onto an armchair, Melinda giggled as he walked them up the stairs... "I love you Jim"......._

Melinda shakily lifted it from its box...a six-shot revolver, she was holding a gun. Melinda let the weight rest in her hand and she sobbed tiredly, she needed this...to get away from the torment of her everyday life, she just couldn't do it anymore.

...._ "promise me that you'll never EVER touch this box Melinda" Jim demanded seriously, "I have no intention of going near that thing, I still don't understand why we have to have one in the house, they're so dangerous" she complained, Jim chuckled "says the woman who spends her life chasing demonic ghosts around underground tunnels" he said incredulously, Melinda shot him a glare "that's totally different and you know it. I can't accidentally cross myself over into the light!" she joked, Jim smiled "just promise me Mel, no playing James Bond, no MI5 tricks, and sure as hell no Russian Roulette", Melinda took the box from him and shoved it into the bedside table shutting the door on it "no Russian Roulette, I swear" she said with a smile, Jim kissed her softly and she lay back slowly...._

**Take a breath, take it deep  
Calm yourself, he says to me**

_....... "What about Michael?" Jim asked, Melinda thought about it for a second "I prefer Jack" she said with a shake of her head, Jim sighed "we're never gonna agree on this, are we?" he asked, Melinda laughed "it's not easy choosing a name for a baby we don't even have yet, we'll probably know when we actually have her, or him, in our arms...God, I can't wait" she said softly, he smiled and pulled her into his lap "how about Adrianna for a girl?" he asked, "OH! Oh I love it! Jim, that's perfect!" she squealed, Jim smiled "or...Aiden, for a boy,,?" he asked, Melinda's face lit up "Aiden...that's even better!" she yelled happily. Jim traced little circles on her perfectly flat stomach "I can't wait for you to be pregnant, I'll get you all the ice-cream in the world, even if I have to drive the Ben&Jerry's store in the middle of the night" he promised, Melinda smiled "even if I'm really fat and mean to you and I'm crying all the time?" she asked, Jim chuckled "even then"......._

Melinda smiled through her tears as she wrapped her hand around the gun and let her finger touch the trigger "I can do this...just one shot....and it will all be over" she told herself, Melinda picked up the small bullet box and tipped one out, "just one shot" she whispered, she placed the bullet in the cylinder and swung it back in.

**If you play, you play for keeps  
Take a gun, and count to three**

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Sam was done packing up his clothes, he sank onto the bed and scrubbed at the tears on his cheeks, "I was too rude" he chided himself_....Melinda's done so much for you and this is how you repay her?..._ he sighed heavily and lay down with his arm over his eyes

_.... "so I guess now we know you're a little sensitive to tragedies" Melinda chuckled, Sam shot her a glare "I am very manly, it just got to me, that's all" he grumbled, they had been to see a movie and halfway through Melinda had become aware of his sniffles, she looked up to find tears streaming down his face which matched her own, she had cuddled up to his side and buried her face in his chest loving the feel of having his arms around her, he wasn't too happy about crying in public but Melinda assured him it was a good sign. "Prove it....prove how manly you are" Melinda challenged as they reached home and climbed out of her jeep, before her feet could hit the ground she was lifted into strong arms, Sam smiled down at her and she stared back at him "would you...can I kiss you?" he asked her, Melinda nodded and brushed his hair out his eyes letting her hand rest on his shoulder, Sam dipped his head to hers and captured her lips in a tender kiss that took his breath away....._

He rolled over and grabbed his cell phone, he pulled her name up on his contact list and called it, her phone was off so it went straight to voicemail, he walked over to the window and smiled sadly at her car "hey Mel...look, I shouldn't have, I wasn't...uh, please just call me when you get this, I'll come over later...I don't even know if you'll wanna see me..." he hung up and ran his hand through his hair worriedly, "I shouldn't have yelled at her like that" he said before biting his lip.

**

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**

I'm sweating now, moving slow  
No time to think, my turn to go

Melinda cradled the gun to her chest as she sobbed "Jim...Jim, I miss you so much, there are so many things we were gonna do together- touring the wine country, taking a trip to Europe, having a baby. You're gone too soon honey...you had so much to give, so much to offer the world, it's so not fair! Why you?! Jim, I tried, you have to know that I tried to bring you back but you just won't let me, so I give up. On everything" she whispered.

**And you can see my heart beating  
You can see it through my chest  
And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving  
Know that I must pass this test  
So just pull the trigger  
**  
Melinda raised the gun to her chest with a trembling hand and pointed it directly over her heart "Jim, I love you" she pulled the trigger and an ear-splitting BANG resounded off of the walls, Melinda screamed louder than she thought she ever could as her chest burned.

**Say a prayer to yourself  
He says close your eyes, Sometimes it helps**

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...Sam threw his last bag onto the passenger's seat of the cab of his truck, once he was done he knocked on the front door of the house and waited but no reply came. "Mel, please let me talk to you" he pleaded, he pushed the door open and looked around "Melinda?" he called confusedly, he jogged up the stairs and as he reached the last one a huge BANG rocked through the house, "MEL!" but as he screamed his mind was pulled away from him.  
**And then I get a scary thought  
That he's here means he's never lost**

_......."JIM! NO!" Melinda's voice rang through his head as a burning pain pierced his shoulder, he staggered to the cabin's window and just about caught sight of his beautiful wife before he crumpled to the ground......._

_......... "I love you Melinda Gordon, my wife" he whispered in her ear as they danced" "I love you too ...my husband" Melinda giggled as he spun her and everyone cheered, "TO THE HAPPY COUPLE!" Jim's mom yelled with her glass of champagne raised in the air, Jim lifted Melinda and spun her around as she smiled down at her, when he brought her back down he kissed her deeply to the excited screams of their audience, "Congratulations!" camera flashes lit the room as they danced expertly...._

**As my life flashes before my eyes  
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?  
**

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Jim came back with a gasp, "I'm Jim...it's me, it's really me!" he said happily, a dull thud came from the bedroom and he remembered suddenly what had sent him into the flashback "MELINDA!" he screamed, he ran into the bedroom and his breath caught in his throat, Melinda was laying back on the bed, her dark hair fanned out over her pillow, her small tank top ridden up and soaked with blood, the deep red liquid was gushing from her chest over her neck and dripping down onto the comforter. "NOOO!!! MEL!" he cried. Jim held her face between his hands and kissed her "please don't leave me" he sobbed, her eyes opened sleepily and she blinked a few times "Sam" she whispered, "no, no it's me Melinda, it's Jim" he cried, she smiled "you came back to me", "Melinda, what have you done?" Jim sobbed, "I'm sorry Jim...I couldn't do it anymore, waking up every morning without you by my side was like being in hell, my heart died with yours...you can't survive without a heart" she whispered, Jim pressed his fingers to the wound over her heart and winced as her warm blood pulsed out over his hand. "Stay with me baby" he cried, he grabbed her cell phone from beside her and called 911, Melinda could feel the tiredness washing over her, the darkness was calling "we'll be together one day Jim, I promise" she said softly, "no Melinda STAY WITH ME!" he screamed.

**So many won't get the chance to say goodbye  
But it's too late to pick up the value of my life**

"Please forgive me Melinda, I didn't mean to forget, I didn't know that would happen" Jim said, he pulled Melinda onto his lap and rocked her slowly in his arms, Melinda stayed silent and her eyes had fallen closed gently, "Mel...baby wake up, wake up!", her eyes fluttered open "Jim, I'll al...always love you" Melinda slurred, he shook his head tearfully and buried his head in her soft hair, "no no no no, please Melinda...._please_ don't leave me, I remembered...I did it for you, don't go, just keep fighting. I'm sorry, so sorry that it took me so long to find myself, but I'm back now, I'm back so you can't leave me baby, you have to stay awake" he cried, his tears fell onto Melinda's face and rolled down her cheeks with her own. Jim was covered in blood and could feel the warmth seeping through his t-shirt, Melinda's bottom lip began to tremble as she shivered, "I'm so cold" she whispered, "stop it!" Jim growled through his teeth "don't you dare die on me, don't you dare die Melinda!" he yelled.

**And you can see my heart beating  
You can see it through my chest  
And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving  
Know that I must pass this test  
So just pull the trigger**

Melinda weakly pulled Jim's head down to hers and kissed him softly "I love you" she whispered against him, Jim deepened the kiss desperately and clung onto her limp body "I love you too baby, I love you so much", she stopped kissing him back and her mouth closed "Melinda? God, NO!!! NO, come back!" Jim screamed, he shook Melinda violently and sobbed harder when she didn't respond. "Melinda, I'm back, you can't go now, please....please baby...I'll do anything, I'd give anything just to make you okay" he cried. Loud banging rapped at the door then footsteps coming up the stairs, "JESUS CHRIST SAM! What happened to her?!" Bobby cried, Jim shook his head "she shot herself Bobby, she needs a blood transfusion and oxygen ASAP, she missed her heart by a few centimetres, I think she can make it if we hurry" Melinda was pulled from his arms and the paramedics team began their routine of yelling commands at each other and rushing around her gurney. Jim climbed into the ambulance behind her and took her hand in his "Melinda, please don't go" he sobbed, they reached Mercy General after what seemed like a year but Jim knew was only five minutes.

"We need to take her to surgery straight away, the OR is ready for her...GO!" Bobby exclaimed, Jim ran alongside her until she disappeared behind the operating room doors. "Delia, I need you to come down here right away, I'm at Mercy, Melinda's in trouble" "Eli, come down to the hospital, bring a t-shirt with you, I just came in with Melinda" they were quick phone calls but got the message across well enough. Jim was slumped over with his head in his hands when he heard the frantic footsteps coming towards him, Delia and Eli were running side by side as fast as their legs would take them "Jesus Christ!" Eli yelled as Jim sat up and they caught sight of the blood all over him. "NO!" Delia cried, Jim nodded as the tears began to fall heavier "she...she shot herself" Jim whispered, "Sam, why would she-" "it's me Eli, it's Jim" he corrected, Eli shook his head "when did you..." "I heard the gunshot, I saw everything, my life with her, my life without her..I remember" he said softly, Delia pulled him into her arms "she'll be okay" she whispered, Jim shook his head as he pulled on the t-shirt that Eli had brought for him and dumped his other one on a chair. "I really don't know, she used my revolver...I always had it in my bedside table, I made her promise not to ever use it, not to even open the box unless there was some kind of emergency, I didn't imagine she would ever use it...on herself" he sobbed, Eli was watching them wide-eyes "you're saying, Melinda tried to commit suicide? Why? She was doing so well..." he cried, Jim shook his head "I don't know, I don't remember what happened, I remember dying and then nothing else, like I woke up on the stairs and ran for Melinda, I don't know what happened to her, she said she couldn't do it anymore and that waking up without me every morning was like being in hell for her, she said that...that her heart died with mine".

"Delia!" a doctor yelled as he ran towards them, she smiled "Ray, is Melinda okay?" she asked, "she's doing well, we woke her up after surgery and she keeps asking for Jim, I didn't have the heart to tell her he's gone, poor woman's been through so much, you can go see her if you want. Hey, you're...Sam, right? I've seen you here with Mel before" he explained, Jim nodded "yeah uh...that's me, Sam Lucas". They followed the doctor up to a small room where Melinda was surrounded by intrusive equipment, her face lit up as they walked in and she smiled tiredly "Jim" she rasped, thick bandages were wrapped around her chest and there was no blood in sight, "Melinda...God, baby, I'm so sorry" he cried, Melinda lifted her arms to him and he held her tightly as he could without pressing her chest "Melinda, I love you, I love you so much baby" he sobbed, "I love you too and I'm sorry, I was so stupid and I should never have....I just couldn't take it anymore after you told me you were leaving..I just didn't want to be here...I can't be without you Jim, I can't" she cried, Jim nodded "wait...what do you mean 'I said I was leaving'?" he asked confusedly, "I tried to tell you that you were Jim and you screamed at me that I was crazy and I needed help, you said that Jim was gone and never coming back! You left me all alone on the street and I didn't know what to do Jim, I couldn't live like that".

Jim was horrified, it had been his fault, it was _all_ his fault "Mel....oh my god Melinda, I'm sorry, but we're together now and I promise, nothing is ever going to change that...NOTHING" Delia and Eli took turns giving her gentle hugs and settled into chairs beside her bed. Jim held her hand to his chest and stroked the wedding band she still wore on her finger, Melinda pointed to a long silver chain around her neck from which Jim's own wedding band hung, he unclipped it and slid his ring back onto his finger "where it belongs forever" he whispered "what did I tell you Melinda NO. TOUCHING. THE. BOX!" he cried kissing her bandage gently, Melinda smiled and kissed him "forever, no more Russian Roulette" she said with a gentle smile. Jim smiled down at her, they had a lot to figure out and a lot to work through but they would be fine, because they had each other "no more Russian Roulette" he agreed.

PHEW! I got so into this story dudes! PLEASE....let me know what you think xx Leave a review xx Love ya xx Lolly xx

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